Hurry Up And Wait
I took myself to brunch after church this past Sunday and once I arrived at the restaurant, I was told there was a 45min wait. I know that normally if you are by yourself, you could just walk up to the bar and eat but the hostess quickly informed me that even the bar area had a ‘wait.’ Standing there for about 2 seconds longer than I needed to, I wanted to leave. Yes, I was hungry but not starving, the motivation was more towards the fact that the wait seemed unbearable. So without thinking any further, I decided to take a seat and wait it out. After only 15mins of waiting, my name was called and I jumped up! I quickly grabbed my purse and put an extra ‘pep in my step’ just in case he changed his mind! Hahahha! I placed my order and my food came quick, not to mention, it was also very good and tasty. I took my time eating and thinking to myself how I’m growing in the area of patience. I almost made an emotional decision that would have made the wait longer. I have been doing this a lot lately and that is, waiting beyond my comfort and praying to God to help me while I wait. Exercising my faith in waiting has been a great challenge for me as I watch areas of my life unfold totally opposite of “my” timeline. In the mist of waiting, God has the ability to change every situation as quickly as he wants to because the laws of man do not define HIM. Your life can change in a blink of an eye and I can testify to that. But I thought about the result of me waiting and how much I will enjoy the reward after I have waited. This wait was a test of obedience and patience. My willingness to wait resulted in me not waiting as long as I thought and my food was worth that 15mins. God made the 30 min difference and expedited my request…not because I asked, but because I waited.
My Prayer: God, you KNOW our beginning, our end and everything in between. Anxiety is never worth the stress of worrying about situations we cannot control. Help us to desire letting you LEAD and relinquish control. Build areas of weakness into strength. Build our trust and faith in your PLAN. Help us to not grow WEARY in well doing while we WAIT. Let the PEACE of Christ rule in our hearts and keep us! God I will trust in you and your timing, not my own! AMEN!
xoxo Chiccy Baritone
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Who Is SHE?
It was a Wednesday afternoon and I was sitting in Starbucks in downtown Greenville, SC right after a meeting. Working on some details on a project, my attention would shift from my lab top to the outdoors. I could not help how beautiful it was that day and I wasn’t the only one that thought the same thing. There were droves of people that passed by during this mid afternoon period—some dressed in workout clothes and some in suits but then my eye caught this woman standing there as if she was waiting on someone. I said to myself, ”She’s not from here,” and I didn’t mean that in a bad way but sometimes your spirit gives you a confirmation before your head does and little did I know, I was about to find out in the next few moments…
She looked like a young, Patti Labelle, you know the soulful singer who has hits that span over 50 years like, “If Only You Knew,” “On My Own,” and “New Attitude” just to name a few. Her attire was all black—Black top, black boots and these fierce black “cat eye” style shades that definitely fed my curiosity. Who Is SHE? Well, I kept typing away and continuing to notice this woman and somewhere in between typing and looking outside still seeing this woman pacing back and forth, I heard someone call my name. I looked up and it was one of my really good friends, Deanna Hudgens and she was with that lady! As I get up to greet my girlfriend she introduces ‘that lady’ and it’s my girlfriend’s sister! Oh My GOD! So we all made small talk and then it started to click. My girlfriend, who is originally from Flint, Michigan, spoke about this sister in previous conversations but she lived out of town so looks like I was correct!
YES! I now know WHO SHE IS! Well, not on a personal level but enough to make the association since I have never met her before.
But here is where the story takes a very interesting turn that I can only sum up in 3 words…
She IS AMAZING..
Allow me to introduce Greenville, SC to this lady. Stephanie Taylor, Founder of Taylor Made Solutions, where education meets fashion, insight, innovation and impact!
Have you ever met someone who embodied their BRAND before they ever opened their mouth? It’s like once they begin to speak, that intuition that you have about them comes to life in that moment? After the first 5 minutes into conversation, I knew I was face to face with fashion brilliance!
From her affiliations with multiple celebrities and Fashion Group International, to building the Fashion Curriculums for the Art institute campuses of New York, New York, Charlotte, North Carolina, Pittsburg and Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, Stephanie Taylor’s passion for fashion and academia expands beyond the classroom. She has that fashion “IT” factor and her ability to embrace the fashion culture, which is constantly changing, has allowed her to reach across demographics to cultivate this gift and her next stop is the beautiful and constantly evolving city of Greenville, SC.
Stephanie Taylor has landed in an area that can definitely learn from her. What she brings to Greenville, SC is a package that is diverse and fashion forward. This was not her choice but her stop to the Upstate is a divine appointment, one I believe is filled with potential to change the face of fashion in this city. I just happened to meet her and honoring my southern roots and the manners taught to me by my mom and dad, it will be very rude for me not to introduce her to YOU. I know “Who That Lady Is” now…her name is Stephanie Taylor.
Check out her website and stay in touch with Greenville, SC newest Fashion Mogul
A poem dedicated to a real issue in America…Police Brutality
The inhuman behavior that confesses hate so fluently has a root
Check the soil because it determines the identity of your truth
The soil of a human is red
It has four chambers not flower beds
Receiving and releasing generational poison
Pure love has the ability to filter through taught and learned hate
Love is too great to lose
When shown, it prevails everything
Birth into inequity I understand that sin is in me
But what I do to prevent and dispel evil is a moral choice
Mom and dad taught me to choose mankind over a kind
I can remember pigmentation, not skill, was the reason my daddy couldn’t
try out for Basketball in high school but he still chose love…
I can’t imagine
And I remember, being a young girl on vacation to Dollywood in the
mountains and while waiting to be seated to eat at a restaurant, we were
denied service and my dad chose love…
We walked out and ate somewhere else
Too young to understand but my examples practiced what they preached
As I watched, looked, listened and my heart followed
A well, guarded heart that didn’t allow the issues of life to flow without
Because my root has always been love
Even when love was hard to find between hurt, tears and reality
That had nothing to do with me
Matters of the heart are disproportionally killing America
Bleeding internally from dis-ease
That seems to be connected to your sight
I don’t believe you are colorblind
Because that would mean that everyone is receiving the same treatment
You are only as blind as you want to be
Ignorance has become brutal
Before turning deadly
What is it? Tell me…what is it that you revert to in your heart that has
Pulled on but not able to uproot?
It has grown and continues to deny any food of truth
You were not born that way
Hearts become impure
Expose and remove contamination
Pump God in
When will you stop abusing authority?
What will it take for you to stop before it hits home
Because with hearts that choose to not know God
Revenge gets ugly
What if you were holding the power to break this cycle?
What if your decision to kill perception and bury experiences that
influenced police brutality ceased because you chose to speak?
Nothing will change until you change
And when you change
We all will change..
xoxo Chiccy Baritone
Facebook: Chiccy Baritone ~ Poet
It’s Not By Accident
On Friday, May 12, 2017 I was involved in a 4-car accident and I was the first car hit. I was on my way to work and it was around 7:15am. I-85S was busy as usual and the traffic was in a ‘bottle neck’ state of stopping and going then all of a sudden it stopped. The car behind me didn’t stop and smashed into me at the rear pushing me into the car in front of me who then hit the car in front of it. So the car that hit me was a young man who said nothing but, ”I’m sorry” when I asked, ”What were you doing?” with the hopes that he would answer me knowing inside that he was not paying attention. The car I hit in front of me was a woman who was in a Ford then she hit the woman in front of her who was in a Lexus. Shortly after the accident was over but before the cops arrived on the scene, the woman that I hit in the Ford moved her car away from the accident scene, which immediately was fishy to me. This crash caused every car involved to have damage on their cars but I later learned that the woman that I hit and her strange behavior would later come back to me.
I received a call probably about a month after the accident from a Lawyer who was representing the woman in the Lexus. He needed me to fill out an Affidavit (An Affidavit is a sworn statement that may be notarized and/or witnessed to represent your full and honest answers to questions you may be asked or issues you may be requested to address. It has the same legal standing as sworn testimony in a court of law.) stating my side of what happened on the day of the accident because the lady in the Ford said that she did not put the damage on the Lexus. Wow?!? That was impossible with the impact of the crash so with no hesitation, I definitely was going to submit my side because it was the right thing to do.
But my actions would serve to be more critical then I thought…
I received a phone call from the lady that was hit in the Lexus who asked if I had returned the Affidavit to her Lawyer and I told her yes. She explained to me that the insurance company of the guy at fault was told by the woman in the Ford that she did not cause damage to her car when it was hit and they needed a statement in order to take responsibility for the damage on her car. This situation held up the lady in the Lexus from getting her car fixed because of the two parties involved not being in agreement to what happened.
Why did she refuse to tell the truth? What was she hiding or trying to avoid?
I then begin to think about this deeper as God spoke to me revealing a powerful revelation about this accident that is synonymous to what the power of God and the intervening of the Holy Spirit will do for us in a time of crisis.
I was sandwiched in between two cars, which caused injury to my neck and my back as a result of the impact from the hit from behind and the push back from the car in front, but I still WALKED AWAY verses being pronounced DEAD ON THE SCENE. 2 Corinthians 4:8-9 says, “We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed, we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed.” THAT scripture encouraged me so much! I could have experienced much worse injuries but God’s angels of protection were on their post that morning!
Follow me….I’m going somewhere…God will bring this together….
God kept me a live because I am the only one out of the accident that could bare witness to the last car that was hit being in dispute with the car behind it saying they did not cause the damage. The Affidavit that I gave was the only witness the lady had in order to prove she was not telling a lie.
I felt such a peace when God said to my spirit, ”I will be your witness in times of trouble even when it seems like every witness around you is not supporting you. Because I am alive in spirit, I will never leave you or forsake you. All you need to do is to stand still and seek the salvation of the Lord, which He will accomplish for you today! Hold your peace, I will fight for you!” Exodus 14:13-14
It was not by accident the way God orchestrated the events that morning. He is a master strategist and nothing catches Him by surprise. Hindsight is so powerful and the revelation behind incidents in life oftentimes is much bigger than the incident. If God brings you through it, He has use for it in another season of your life…stay tuned!
Xoxo Chiccy Baritone
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Personal | Profession | Passion
~ It’s Personal
I have been in love only 2 times in my life. Once while in college and the second time in my mid 30’s. The second time around was the closes that I had ever been to walking the aisle but what sticks out more to me was the “labor of love” that I poured into trying to understand myself and the man that I felt was my forever. During the hardest times of accepting what I knew to be true from the beginning, I learned the most!
The Pain Of My Fallacy:
- ……removed the need to ‘gamble’ with my expectation vs. his reality
- ……corrected a perception that I had about the term ‘potential’ mate. When I looked at the word and thought about what potential is, I discovered that I always focused more on what potential could become verses the fact that ‘potential’ is a energy about a person that is stored or dormant and it shows the capacity of something that is to become or develop into something in the future…if it has not moved out of its current state, what you see, is what it is. Nothing more…nothing less.
- ……taught me that you can’t revise God’s plan for your life. His timing, His strategy and purpose for divine connections with people cannot be forced or created by you. When we spend more time trying to make something work out of His will, because He is not the author of confusion (1 Corinthians 14:33), we are forfeiting our trust in the plan and purpose our creator has ordained for our lives before the foundations of the earth.
~ My Profession
If I could draw a chart to illustrate my career over a 16 year period it would look something like this::
Blue Block = the first 5 years of working
Green Block = working 6 to 10 years
Orange Block = working 11 to 15 years
Red Block = working 15 to 20 years
I bet some of you are wondering why are the blocks going down verses going up?
Glad you asked!!!
This graph has been illustrated to friends when I discuss my current state of working…how I feel like my climb up into my profession has ‘felt’ like it has been a steady ‘decline’. The progression of knowledge that I have obtained was not being illustrated in the “natural sense” and it gave me a feeling of confusion, frustration and resentment…..until I begin to look at it differently and allow God to ‘show’ me what was happening in the spirit realm so that I can trust Him while I walk out two very contradicting realities…
The Pain Of My Fallacy:
- …..deepened my dependency on my faith in GOD. If I know Him as a God who makes no mistakes, then WHY am I questioning this ‘season’ of my life? He has allowed this to happen because what He is teaching me is equipping me for the multiple ways He will be using me.
- …..matured me. Responsibility is your ‘ability to RESPOND’ and my response to this painful time had to change. It does not take away from the fact that pain will cause you to respond at times in a negative way but do you go back to correct it? Do you think before you speak? I have to give credit where credit is due…my response changed due to practicing the power of the PAUSE. My mentor and good friend Dr. Katrina Spigner not only discussed this action but she practices it in her own life. I have observed her over the years PAUSING before she responds and the result in seeing it changed my life forever. Initiating this small but powerful change has literally been my saving grace!
- …..revealed that what is happening IN me is building endurance in order to carry the multiple assignments for my life. It feels like I am going through boot camp and in order to physically get through this obstacle course, I must build up my spiritual muscle in areas of my life that need to grow. Building these areas will create the perseverance needed in order to complete this course. The building of my: Character, Focus, Integrity and Love has allowed me to trust the greater plan for my life…and that trajectory is going UP…Faith must be your guide, not your eyes…
~ I live for my Passion
Loving words…and formulating them to telling a story, poetically, is my Passion!!!
When I think back, the inception of this love was circa 1995 while performing in my High School Pageant. This extended into my college years, which lived only in a notebook until I released it publicly at an open mic in Orangeburg, SC right before graduation in 2001. That night I shared prayers on paper that kept me through some of the most challenging years of my life—college. I experience great pain and life altering events that have shaped me forever. This passion is my LIFE, literally. My spirit connects to everyday life through words…I see and hear poetry in everything unintentionally and naturally. I credit this ability to my creator, my friend and the love of my life, Jesus the Christ. I have witnessed through the words that He construct into poetry ministering into the lives of people in ways I could never predict. This gift does come without a ‘cost’ or ‘price’ to pay. But when you are called, you understand that pain associated to your God-given Gift is one of the greatest teachers…
The Reality Of My Pain:
- …..as a writer, pain will either PUSH you or PARALYZE you. I have experienced both but it’s not something I consider to be a bad thing. Sure, at times you need to produce but can’t seem to hear God through the pain, but His timing is impeccable and His word never returns to you void. If He has given you the gift, He will not be mocked but will deliver when its time. For us, it’s not convenient. For Him, it’s divine.
- …..as a writer, God will use pain to correct. Something that hurts could be signifying that something is not aligned. That alignment could be a result of disobedience. This could merit a THOUSAND examples but I trust God enough to know that when YOU read it, He will direct you to what is mis-aligned that is causing you pain and the inability to produce.
- …..as a writer, most people would agree that poets seem to talk about painful situations A LOT! From open-mics to slams to showcases, you seem to get more of a connection with audiences when you discuss pain. I disagree. While it may initially influence a response, I think its what comes out of pain that is key. Pain a lot of times is the byproduct to a blessing and if you listen long enough to a poem that starts a poem discussing pain, most of the time, the poet will not leave it there but illustrate the root or result of that pain that led to something greater…something better….something more profound.
At times, these 3 could feel disconnected due to the pain of the shift that’s taking place. But I’m here to encourage you, don’t disrupt the work of God due to your personal discomfort. Growth will stretch you because preparation is vital for the next phase of your life. Look at your Personal, Profession and Passion and allow GOD to do the necessary changes. I pray as you read only a summary level snippet of how I allowed God to move in these areas, it will inspire you to let Him move on your behalf.
xoxo Chiccy Baritone
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For the first 14 days of February, I received instructions from God to talk about Love…not just the mushy, everything is perfect, no issues, unrealistic kind of love because we all know love will be tested. No, this is about Love and all of its varies components. The bible is filled with scripture that is so applicable to Love and love situations and I was excited to be able to use 13 scriptures that served as inspiration for these short, about 1 minute poems (on Youtube). I didn’t want the month to be over without sharing with my Blog followers this series so below I have shared these poems. On day 14, I ended the series with a video poem called,”Highway of Love”…..to catch the videos for each poem, please visit my youtube link: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCRrn3TMAo8iz5AMjaKnQ9CQ
Proverbs 13:12 “Hope deferred makes the heart sick.”
I know what it means to wait…I mean, I had to wait 14 years to get a drivers permit, I had to wait 4 years for a high school diploma and college degree…and I can remember being a young girl playing with Barbie’s and fantasizing about having my very own Ken. Being told time and time again to concentrate on living your life, getting an education and good job then focus on being a wife. So I did those things and I waited. Even in a relationship that I thought would end in marriage, I waited….even when I knew it was not going to end that way, I still waited. A delay is not denial and a anxious heart does not mean it’s hopeless. Sick at times, tired at times, but still beating…
FB: Chiccy Baritone ~ Poet #LoveSeriesDay1 #Poetry
Proverbs 24:26 “An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips.”
I know he didn’t want to admit the pain of the past. The aroma of residue could not be eliminated through lies. Dishonesty has a way of prolonging destiny. God loves to use broken vessels. And just because it’s Jesus specialty to put broken lives back together, it doesn’t make it easy. Fear gripped him like a bully on the playground and pride threw the sucker punches to the throat. But it didn’t silence his voice. He said, he didn’t want to lose me so he persevered through the pain of pride. His honesty was like poetry to me.
FB: Chiccy Baritone ~ Poet #LoveSeriesDay2 #Poetry
Proverbs 24:32 “I applied my heart to what I observed and learned a lesson from what I saw.”
I watched my man praise God. It revealed a spiritual conversation that he didn’t share with me. He went before the throne boldly. At first, I could not help but stare because it was like the God in Him begin to minister to the sin in me that I tried to conceal. Unspoken conviction raised a praise like vomit and my mouth begin to overflow with repentance. His admiration and reverence for the King affected me. I felt my love deepen witnessing his communion with the Most High God as a powerful lead in my life and our family. The power of praise made words no longer necessary.
FB: Chiccy Baritone ~ Poet #LoveSeriesDay3 #Poetry
Song of Songs 7:1 “How beautiful your sandaled feet, O prince’s daughter! Your graceful legs are like jewels, the work of an artist’s hands.
Women with quick, long strides are trying to get to their destination. Movement builds over time and in no time she arrived looking like a bag lady. She was carrying her dignity because she had to take a job that wasn’t paying enough. She was carrying her responsibilities because she had mouths to feed. She was carrying her insecurities worried about how she looked when the load felt unbearable. She was carrying love knowing that her effort was helping out her King who God ordained as her helpmate because his hours at work were reduced indefinitely. She carried weight like a stallion beautifully.
FB: Chiccy Baritone ~ Poet #LoveSeriesDay4 #Poetry
Song of Songs 1:12 “ While the King was at his table, my perfume spread its fragrance.”
I didn’t even part my lips to speak because the conversation going on in my head was louder than the conversations taking place in the room. Like a California stop, I slowed down long enough to find my seat, my feet suddenly began to pick up speed because the 7 inch heels were unapologetic. I was wearing a new perfume scent. It took me a long time to invest in myself so I decided to wear it tonight. He rose from his seat as if he was hypnotized headed straight towards me. His look spoke a foreign language. I didn’t understand so I adjusted my hair and rubbed my lips together making sure my lipstick was smooth and even. He arrived. Paused. Smiled. And said, ”Excuse me Miss, what’s that you’re wearing?” I replied, ”Confidence.”
FB: Chiccy Baritone ~ Poet #LoveSeriesDay5 #Poetry
Song of Songs 8:6 “ Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame.
Our friendship is many calendar years old. We stop counting after love was realized but not initiated. Separate life paths were made up of unplanned meeting spots where our check-ins never concluded with us checking out. Open ended until we met again. It wasn’t life but death of a matriarch and patriarch in our individual families that created a closeness of hearts trying to mend individually and together. Laughter with you is not the same with anyone else….you have a way of bringing out that wild, belly flopping, mouth wide open not trying to be cute kind of laugh.
And it picks back up every time we meet.
This internal flame never went out but it was getting weak.
And this time, our meeting concluded with you deciding to never meet unplanned again. So you took my hand and initiated love with a check out day, time and place. The risk was becoming too great to keep meeting with no plan or experiencing a ‘no show’ due to another man.
FB: Chiccy Baritone ~ Poet #LoveSeriesDay6 #Poetry
Proverbs 10:12 “ Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.”
I stopped paying attention. My world reduced to an island with one occupant.
And after numerous attempts and arguments to gain my attention,
your silence became loud and your presence empty…your smile no longer filled the room because you made room for someone who slowed down long enough to notice your smile. She knew your arrival to the office.
Her Good Morning greeting was well-timed and her conversation effortless.
The power of words through communication moved his mind and then his hands.
You and her. Alone.
Then Infidelity. Then a Baby.
It spiritually killed me.
But what it taught me, progressed in me, revealed in me, convicted in me, corrected in me and showed me was my love was stronger, long-suffering, wiser, deeper and tested beyond the vows of my wedding day. Love Prevails
FB: Chiccy Baritone ~ Poet #LoveSeriesDay7 #Poetry
1 Corinthians 15: 33
Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”
He praised the reprobate mindset and fed my flesh whatever it yearned for making it harder to resist. Being connected to him was encouraging the battle to partake in sin. Countless mornings started with praise but by nightfall my mind was in a daze from all the hell he raised, what’s happening? Struggling between what’s wrong and what’s right but when I thought about life before him, I had discipline, purpose and contentment. I’ve turned into someone else because of someone else I gave my time, my mind and my soul to. His corruption created detours and distractions in the plan and purpose for my life. My money, I recovered over time but my character paid the price.
FB: Chiccy Baritone ~ Poet #LoveSeriesDay8 #Poetry
Proverbs 25:28 “ Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control.”
She was a walking corpse. Dead to Life because her reckless decisions made her numb to the pain of losing control. Control over her mind and body rejected by love. She bled her insecurities openly to strangers online and at a drop of any dime from any man who pursued her. She ignored the ill will intentions of boundaries that were trespassed by well design counterfeits. Pain convinced her that standing for nothing was easier because it didn’t require a fight. Emotions are not reality. God was not present in her life. She was sinking like a ship with no sail and thought she could do it all without HIM. #EpicFail
FB: Chiccy Baritone ~ Poet #LoveSeriesDay9 #Poetry
Proverbs 26:11 “As a dog returns to its vomit, so fools repeat their folly.
He had no game…just good conversation and He paid attention.. She was a friend of a friend that caught his eye so after she accepted his Facebook request, he went on a scavenger hunt. Pictures, post, albums, repeat….his research painted a ‘picture’ of her. Cyber stalking check –ins, he decided to pull up and make his appearance seem ‘random’. He knew enough to seduce her mind long without ever touching her. But it wasn’t long before she let him touch her. Then he beat her. The confusion of a love-beat combo perpetuated until it was no longer hidden as she lived in pain and entertained death like a live in guest.
FB: Chiccy Baritone ~ Poet #LoveSeriesDay10 #Poetry
Song of Songs 2:7
Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you
by the gazelles and by the does of the field:
Do not arouse or awaken love
until it so desires
I often played too close to the line of “wait” and “regret.” Relying on physical strength to pull me back trying to stay ahead of my mind and not letting my mind lead my body, almost always led to regret. Igniting the fire of temptation with reckless wordplay I created the perfect ingredients for moments of sinful pleasure to become quick memories. This behavior stayed on repeat until my actions caused a reaction and life paused. Everything I desired for my myself became spiritually dormant due to preventable agony and no one to blame but me. I opened doors that were closed, windows that were shut and jumped gates because my desire was greater than my discipline. Time and time again God intervened and then he saved me locking that desire up for the one he has created for me.
FB: Chiccy Baritone ~ Poet #LoveSeriesDay11 #Poetry
Psalm 46: 5
God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.
I know it wasn’t right but I gave him my life before he made me his wife. I blame love and those butterflies things that seem to consume me every time I would hear his voice…or look into his eyes longer than 5 seconds, I promise you, I think he put a spell on me…or maybe slipped something in my coffee…I allowed him full access with no clearance so it became easy for him to hurt me. I can’t even begin to count the nights where I woke up to tear soaked pillows and puffy eyes, but I woke up. God kept getting me up each day to prove that He had more power than the woes of a broken heart and more purpose than a relationship that I praised more than Him.
FB: Chiccy Baritone ~ Poet #LoveSeriesDay12 #Poetry
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.
I hate when we argue but lately it’s becoming personal. I thought we vowed to protect each other’s wounds but we behave like a covenant doesn’t exist. I would listen long enough to respond because to hear the truth about me hurt. It ignited every fear, disappointment and insecurity that I tried to hide and deny. My life was a lie I forced you to believe until you smelled the residue of death on my breathe from dead fruit you tried to reseed over and over again..you never understood why every attempt to speak life got lost in translation….I learned the art to drown sound with fast talking because it didn’t require processing…just a reckless reaction that choked and killed my marriage.
FB: Chiccy Baritone ~ Poet #LoveSeriesDay13 #Poetry
For Day 14, see video by clicking Youtube Link above
<Ding Dong!> It’s the doorbell…
“Who in the world could that be?” I said to myself because hey you don’t remember expecting guest and everyone knows that you don’t like “un-invited” guest. Not wanting to make any noise, you tip-toe to the window and peek outside your blinds seeing if you could catch a glimpse of who is at your door. Hmmm….you don’t see anyone there but to be sure you open the door anyway, slowly, and as soon as you do, your “un-invited” guest slips right in….
Who? You ask…
Yes, just like an “un-invited” guest, we don’t ever plan to invite FEAR into our lives. It sort of sneaks in just as you open the doors of what I like to call your human
“Gates” which are your Eyes, Ears and Mouth to anything that can deter you from God’s plan and purpose for your life! Your EYES are the gateway to your soul stamping visuals in your brain that you playback; Your EARS record everything that it hears—sounds and voices; Your MOUTH is controlled by the thoughts in your head and the feelings in your heart. Three powerful gates that FEAR loves to travel through disregarding any “formal” invite from you, but then, sometimes we will keep the door open and let FEAR in but that’s not what I want to talk about. I want to talk about when you try your best to keep FEAR out and away from ever entering into your gates. These openings should be guarded at all times filtering out uncensored, uninvited aspects of life that can cause FEAR to form and develop. When FEAR is realized, it will camouflage a blessing (Eyes), hear only negative language (Ears) and speak doubt and destruction (Mouth). FEAR no longer is a guest, at this point, but begins to unpack bags and take up residence in your life! This is NOT good! So let’s talk about it….
Have you ever experienced FEAR? (uh um, clearing my throat)***Newsflash***..We ALL have and it’s perfectly normal, so relax. However, I must say, FEAR should be confronted and not ignored, confessed and not concealed. Its not the best feeling in the world but as a healthy practice, make sure you don’t let the things that cause FEAR to be the reason you don’t see the blessing in the mist of the storms of life; or penetrate in your heart when someone speaks negatively to you and about you; and worse, begin to expose itself in your conversation speaking “death”. (Proverbs 18:21) Once you make FEAR the source of your decisions, you will always experience less than the abundant life that God desires because you will be too scared to trust God based on a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined (www.dictionary.com). This is serious and like stress, when prolonged, has dangerous effects to our spiritual, physical and emotional state of being. So are you ready to face your FEARS even though you didn’t see it “sneak” in? And it doesn’t matter how big or small your FEAR may be, it all counts and it all has a root. Something or someone influenced this FEAR that you have and now every time you or someone else bring up that FEAR, you respond with distress trying to cover it up with many failed attempts. Isn’t that exhausting? I mean, how much more “covering up” can you do? Or how many times are you going to put on your “mask” before your mask begin to crack showing the real face of your troubles? I believe that the bible says that God did not give us the spirit of FEAR but of power, love and a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7) because to fight FEAR you must have the love of Christ in your heart for those times when FEAR tries to “show up unannounced”. When we ignite the power of God which is in us through prayer, studying and fasting, we will ALWAYS and I mean ALWAYS defeat FEAR. And I am sure you have probably heard people say things like, “It’s all in your mind.” Well, that is true because our minds are very powerful and the storehouses of where we recall past and present hurt and pain. So how are you keeping your mind “sound?”. Has it been difficult? At times it has been, but what you playback over and over is the key to keeping the mind sound! So whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. (Philippians 4:8).
Exercise is not only good for the body but it’s also crucial for your mind. Make it a priority to always look beyond any and everything that is causing FEAR—afraid of what will happen if you lose your job in this economy, not having enough money to pay your bills, afraid for your future and the future of your family? Don’t be and yes, I said that pretty effortlessly because God knows, HE cares and HE loves US…even when we are scared to death of the many entities of life. And guess what? He was there when you open the door and FEAR slipped in. HE was waiting on you to call HIM so that HE can address any “unwanted” guest. Hello Fear…and Goodbye.