For the first 14 days of February, I received instructions from God to talk about Love…not just the mushy, everything is perfect, no issues, unrealistic kind of love because we all know love will be tested. No, this is about Love and all of its varies components. The bible is filled with scripture that is so applicable to Love and love situations and I was excited to be able to use 13 scriptures that served as inspiration for these short, about 1 minute poems (on Youtube). I didn’t want the month to be over without sharing with my Blog followers this series so below I have shared these poems. On day 14, I ended the series with a video poem called,”Highway of Love”…..to catch the videos for each poem, please visit my youtube link: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCRrn3TMAo8iz5AMjaKnQ9CQ
Proverbs 13:12 “Hope deferred makes the heart sick.”
I know what it means to wait…I mean, I had to wait 14 years to get a drivers permit, I had to wait 4 years for a high school diploma and college degree…and I can remember being a young girl playing with Barbie’s and fantasizing about having my very own Ken. Being told time and time again to concentrate on living your life, getting an education and good job then focus on being a wife. So I did those things and I waited. Even in a relationship that I thought would end in marriage, I waited….even when I knew it was not going to end that way, I still waited. A delay is not denial and a anxious heart does not mean it’s hopeless. Sick at times, tired at times, but still beating…
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Proverbs 24:26 “An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips.”
I know he didn’t want to admit the pain of the past. The aroma of residue could not be eliminated through lies. Dishonesty has a way of prolonging destiny. God loves to use broken vessels. And just because it’s Jesus specialty to put broken lives back together, it doesn’t make it easy. Fear gripped him like a bully on the playground and pride threw the sucker punches to the throat. But it didn’t silence his voice. He said, he didn’t want to lose me so he persevered through the pain of pride. His honesty was like poetry to me.
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Proverbs 24:32 “I applied my heart to what I observed and learned a lesson from what I saw.”
I watched my man praise God. It revealed a spiritual conversation that he didn’t share with me. He went before the throne boldly. At first, I could not help but stare because it was like the God in Him begin to minister to the sin in me that I tried to conceal. Unspoken conviction raised a praise like vomit and my mouth begin to overflow with repentance. His admiration and reverence for the King affected me. I felt my love deepen witnessing his communion with the Most High God as a powerful lead in my life and our family. The power of praise made words no longer necessary.
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Song of Songs 7:1 “How beautiful your sandaled feet, O prince’s daughter! Your graceful legs are like jewels, the work of an artist’s hands.
Women with quick, long strides are trying to get to their destination. Movement builds over time and in no time she arrived looking like a bag lady. She was carrying her dignity because she had to take a job that wasn’t paying enough. She was carrying her responsibilities because she had mouths to feed. She was carrying her insecurities worried about how she looked when the load felt unbearable. She was carrying love knowing that her effort was helping out her King who God ordained as her helpmate because his hours at work were reduced indefinitely. She carried weight like a stallion beautifully.
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Song of Songs 1:12 “ While the King was at his table, my perfume spread its fragrance.”
I didn’t even part my lips to speak because the conversation going on in my head was louder than the conversations taking place in the room. Like a California stop, I slowed down long enough to find my seat, my feet suddenly began to pick up speed because the 7 inch heels were unapologetic. I was wearing a new perfume scent. It took me a long time to invest in myself so I decided to wear it tonight. He rose from his seat as if he was hypnotized headed straight towards me. His look spoke a foreign language. I didn’t understand so I adjusted my hair and rubbed my lips together making sure my lipstick was smooth and even. He arrived. Paused. Smiled. And said, ”Excuse me Miss, what’s that you’re wearing?” I replied, ”Confidence.”
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Song of Songs 8:6 “ Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame.
Our friendship is many calendar years old. We stop counting after love was realized but not initiated. Separate life paths were made up of unplanned meeting spots where our check-ins never concluded with us checking out. Open ended until we met again. It wasn’t life but death of a matriarch and patriarch in our individual families that created a closeness of hearts trying to mend individually and together. Laughter with you is not the same with anyone else….you have a way of bringing out that wild, belly flopping, mouth wide open not trying to be cute kind of laugh.
And it picks back up every time we meet.
This internal flame never went out but it was getting weak.
And this time, our meeting concluded with you deciding to never meet unplanned again. So you took my hand and initiated love with a check out day, time and place. The risk was becoming too great to keep meeting with no plan or experiencing a ‘no show’ due to another man.
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Proverbs 10:12 “ Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.”
I stopped paying attention. My world reduced to an island with one occupant.
And after numerous attempts and arguments to gain my attention,
your silence became loud and your presence empty…your smile no longer filled the room because you made room for someone who slowed down long enough to notice your smile. She knew your arrival to the office.
Her Good Morning greeting was well-timed and her conversation effortless.
The power of words through communication moved his mind and then his hands.
You and her. Alone.
Then Infidelity. Then a Baby.
It spiritually killed me.
But what it taught me, progressed in me, revealed in me, convicted in me, corrected in me and showed me was my love was stronger, long-suffering, wiser, deeper and tested beyond the vows of my wedding day. Love Prevails
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1 Corinthians 15: 33
Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”
He praised the reprobate mindset and fed my flesh whatever it yearned for making it harder to resist. Being connected to him was encouraging the battle to partake in sin. Countless mornings started with praise but by nightfall my mind was in a daze from all the hell he raised, what’s happening? Struggling between what’s wrong and what’s right but when I thought about life before him, I had discipline, purpose and contentment. I’ve turned into someone else because of someone else I gave my time, my mind and my soul to. His corruption created detours and distractions in the plan and purpose for my life. My money, I recovered over time but my character paid the price.
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Proverbs 25:28 “ Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control.”
She was a walking corpse. Dead to Life because her reckless decisions made her numb to the pain of losing control. Control over her mind and body rejected by love. She bled her insecurities openly to strangers online and at a drop of any dime from any man who pursued her. She ignored the ill will intentions of boundaries that were trespassed by well design counterfeits. Pain convinced her that standing for nothing was easier because it didn’t require a fight. Emotions are not reality. God was not present in her life. She was sinking like a ship with no sail and thought she could do it all without HIM. #EpicFail
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Proverbs 26:11 “As a dog returns to its vomit, so fools repeat their folly.
He had no game…just good conversation and He paid attention.. She was a friend of a friend that caught his eye so after she accepted his Facebook request, he went on a scavenger hunt. Pictures, post, albums, repeat….his research painted a ‘picture’ of her. Cyber stalking check –ins, he decided to pull up and make his appearance seem ‘random’. He knew enough to seduce her mind long without ever touching her. But it wasn’t long before she let him touch her. Then he beat her. The confusion of a love-beat combo perpetuated until it was no longer hidden as she lived in pain and entertained death like a live in guest.
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Song of Songs 2:7
Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you
by the gazelles and by the does of the field:
Do not arouse or awaken love
until it so desires
I often played too close to the line of “wait” and “regret.” Relying on physical strength to pull me back trying to stay ahead of my mind and not letting my mind lead my body, almost always led to regret. Igniting the fire of temptation with reckless wordplay I created the perfect ingredients for moments of sinful pleasure to become quick memories. This behavior stayed on repeat until my actions caused a reaction and life paused. Everything I desired for my myself became spiritually dormant due to preventable agony and no one to blame but me. I opened doors that were closed, windows that were shut and jumped gates because my desire was greater than my discipline. Time and time again God intervened and then he saved me locking that desire up for the one he has created for me.
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Psalm 46: 5
God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.
I know it wasn’t right but I gave him my life before he made me his wife. I blame love and those butterflies things that seem to consume me every time I would hear his voice…or look into his eyes longer than 5 seconds, I promise you, I think he put a spell on me…or maybe slipped something in my coffee…I allowed him full access with no clearance so it became easy for him to hurt me. I can’t even begin to count the nights where I woke up to tear soaked pillows and puffy eyes, but I woke up. God kept getting me up each day to prove that He had more power than the woes of a broken heart and more purpose than a relationship that I praised more than Him.
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My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.
I hate when we argue but lately it’s becoming personal. I thought we vowed to protect each other’s wounds but we behave like a covenant doesn’t exist. I would listen long enough to respond because to hear the truth about me hurt. It ignited every fear, disappointment and insecurity that I tried to hide and deny. My life was a lie I forced you to believe until you smelled the residue of death on my breathe from dead fruit you tried to reseed over and over again..you never understood why every attempt to speak life got lost in translation….I learned the art to drown sound with fast talking because it didn’t require processing…just a reckless reaction that choked and killed my marriage.
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For Day 14, see video by clicking Youtube Link above
You Are Not ALONE….
One of my cousins got married a few years ago but before the wedding, we decided to take her on a trip to Miami, FL to celebrate! While on the trip we had a lot of activities planned but one of the activities on our last morning in Miami was a game that her best friend suggested. It didn’t have a particular name or anything but what we had to do was write down three of our “Fears” on a piece of paper. Once everyone finished we shared the three fears with the group. The exercise was so powerful and so liberating! There were laughs, tears, stories, moments of silence, and reflection while we listened to each girl reveal a part of them that they may have only mention to God in private. As I was listening, I knew my turn was approaching and for me, this was no easy exercise because I didn’t want to be emotional. *Exhale*…Here it goes….as I slowly move my eyes down to read my three fears. Now listen, I am not going to share ALL of my fears but I will share one with you that meant the most and that was “the fear of dying alone”. One of the other young ladies there, who is single like myself, agreed totally and said, “Wow…I didn’t think about that but it’s so true…I don’t want to die alone.” The best part of the exercise was what we did next. We tore off each fear into three strips of paper, folded them in no particular way, and then put them inside of a balloon. We each held our balloons up high over the balcony of the hotel, I was asked to say a prayer and we released them in the air, vowing to God to work on overcoming those FEARS!! Even thinking about it now brings tears to my eyes because it took a lot of courage to admit to being afraid, scared or anxious about anything in life. However, on that day, four women’s desire to overcome FEAR was greater than the FEAR itself because of our FAITH to believe that God can and will remove anything that is unlike HIM.
Okay, so let me further explain what I mean when I say “alone.” I am talking about physically being by myself when I die because no one knows when or how they are going to die. The absence of family being there or even a companion was starting to become a concern when I thought about it because if we will all be honest with ourselves for a moment, everyone desires to be loved by someone beyond the extension of family. As Christians, we do realize that we are never alone because God is with us always, in spirit, but physically, we want the return embrace of a mate God assigned to us. Even the bible states that, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10). There is absolutely nothing wrong with desiring to have someone in your life but what if you don’t experience marriage on earth, does that mean that you are being denied the fullness of Joy? Not at all, however, let us put it in perspective. We all came into the earth individually even if you were born a twin, and we all are going to leave individually and be judged by God for our work.(Revelation 20:12) Our concern about being single can be consuming and a huge distraction. Being alone can have negative connotations if we accept it from people who plant seeds of “FEAR” in our minds saying, “You need to find someone or do you want to die alone?” Who said that life will follow the order of marriage, children, grandbabies then death? HE knew us before the foundation of the world and the beginning of our existence before entering the earth. He even knows the number of hairs on our head (Matthew 10:30) so surely HE knows what is best. God just wants to fulfill the purpose HE has ordained for each and every one of us and being alone or married should not affect the work being done. So If I die now, what would it matter if I am by myself? Why does being alone now develop FEAR when I think about dying alone? To God, it’s not important but my relationship with Him, my work on earth to spread the Gospel of Jesus Christ and my use of the spiritual gifts given to me to spread the Gospel IS important. My focus on my status has no relevance to my ability to fulfill my assignment in the earth just as my “Joy” has no relevance to my status. So, you are alone, or ALL ONE for now and if it never changes, what I “do” on earth, not my “status”, is God’s desire for my life. Hello Fear…I am not alone….so Goodbye.
xoxo Chiccy Baritone
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